How To Fake Clean Your House
So I’m a naturally messy person. I don’t necessarily have a dirty house, just super untidy. Clothes everywhere, scraps of paper (hello writer), and piles of objects that likely need to be thrown out are all over my house. I also don’t believe in cleaning all the time, I’d like to say it’s my feminist side screaming out but more likely I just have other things I’d prefer to be doing. But I do like a clean house and apparently so do other people.
And people will show up: friends; family; oddly judgy door salespeople. Sometimes you have three days to clean (two and half of those spent watching Mad Men) but often you only have ten minutes. So when your mother calls to say she’s stopping over on her way home from yoga class, follow the below tips to cheat your way to a clean house.
Bathroom
-Shower curtains hide everything, so if you have one you can skip cleaning your tub. People might take a peek but that’s their fault for being snoopy
-Vacuuming or even shaking out a bath mat can let you get away without having to wash the floors-though remember if you are having a big party, you may end up on the floor of that bathroom later
-Baskets! Baskets! Baskets! I have a billion throughout my house but they are especially handy in the bathroom because you can throw all your toiletries in the basket (lid or not) and it instantly looks more tidy than if they were neatly stacked along the counter – It also makes wiping down the counter super easy as you don’t have to take off the bottles and stack them back up
Kitchen
I hate cleaning kitchens, I would rather clean four very dirty bathrooms before cleaning the kitchen, besides why else did I get married? But if your husband is away, and you are having people over, that’s where they’ll likely hang out.
-Get a dish washer, you can hide almost everything thing in there
-Once your kitchen sink is cleared of all of the dishes, squirt a nice smelling dishwashing soap and spray with water (or use a sponge). I think it gets the sink pretty clean (if you have white sink-just move house) and covers any bad kitchen smells
-hide stuff in the oven
-did I mention baskets? Spices, utensils, that odd looking thing you got for Christmas that apparently belongs in the kitchen but no one is quite sure why, can all go in them
Bedroom
-So we all know clothes go in the closet or in drawers and then in the laundry basket when they’re dirty but what about the clothes in between-the ones you tried on but didn’t wear or only wore for a couple of hours. This is where the majority of my messiness in the bedroom comes from. How to clean it up quick? I suggest getting a secondary basket or nice chair and lay out your clothes over them. Then close the door to the bedroom, no one should be in there anyways!
Living Room
-Hey, have you heard of baskets? Baskets for remote controls, chargers, toys etc. There are so many pretty baskets out there, that it not only hides all your sins, it decorates the room.
-Throw pillows-this works for bedrooms as well. See men-they do have a purpose, they make a room look organized and pulled together, completely hiding the stack of mail and/or pile of laundry. No one ever seems to comment on my paperwork hiding in the corner but throw pillows, now those get some compliments!
Open all the windows (even mid-winter) and vacuum all your rooms. You can’t get out of the vacuuming and unless you have a roomba (with some adorable kittens to ride it) it makes a huge difference. Just make sure you can still hear the doorbell, so your guests aren’t waiting outside hearing you aren’t totally ready for them.
And then…wine! Because you had this house cleaned hours ago and you’ve been spending the last hour listening to some jazz and doing some light reading. And look how relaxed you are. You don’t even care when you’re father in law makes a comment about that huge garbage bag you forgot to take out.
Then repeat the wine drinking until you can make a valid argument for hiring a cleaner.
Originally Posted - Apr 25, 2015
